This is A Personal Touch, a chance to check in with ordinary people making an extraordinary difference in the world and I’m Rebecca Cressman. And today our guest is Barbara Lockhart and I’m sure probably never in your life Barbara anyone has referred to you as ordinary.
[Laughter] Not so.
Q: Well, you think back and you know with all of the celebrations and all of the competitions going on with the Beijing Olympics and the Summer Games, you go back—I don’t want to say 50 years—but decades ago when you were just a seventeen year old and you found yourself in a pivotal moment and what is it like to be there and feeling like the fruit of all your labors are on the line at one moment?
A: Well for me, one of the greatest thrills of being in the Olympics is representing the United States. And when the announcer—this is for the Olympics in Innsbruck, Austria in 1964—it was the second time I’d been in the games—when he called me to the line for my 3000 meter race—I don’t remember him even saying my name. It was the United States of America Number 32. And that struck me so—it just it was so amazing to think I’m not just here as Barbara, but I’m here representing the USA. And I’ll tell you the adrenaline just started flowing and I had one of the best races I ever skated in my life.
Q: Did you feel the difference from your race in 1964 to the very first time when you raced in 1960? Your anticipation of what you needed to bring to the speed skating arena?
A: In terms of my health I was in much better health. In ‘60 I overtrained and got mononucleosis and so it was really tough that year. So I was in much better health having been in the games once. I think just that experience—but the thrill of representing the US—it’s, there’s something about doing this for a greater cause—for something greater than yourself. And I think that’s what happens during the Olympics. Just what we’ve seen in these 2008 Olympics. The performances that have far exceeded what anyone thought, they thought was possible. And I just think a lot of it is because we’re doing it for something just beyond ourselves.
Q: Did you feel that sense also of doing something for the first time as a woman too, because you were the very first woman to compete on a female speed skating team?
A: That’s my claim to fame, I guess! (laughter). I won the trials when I was seventeen, I won the 500 meter. And that put me on the—I was the first woman on the first team ever for women in the Olympics in speed skating—because the IOC had just decided to have women in the games in that event. So yes, it was thrilling to be able to do that in all those respects.
Q: Well, and you know, when I began the interview, I talked about how someone referred to you as anyone but ordinary. You went on and to pursue higher education goals, your doctorate. You went on in so many different ways to define to live a life that many other people would define as very successful. And your area of research has also encapsulated kind of that sense of what is success. You’ve studied as a professor in exercise science. You’ve studied whether or not what someone accomplishes, if that defines their self worth or, what is it that can make us feel like we are bringing value; whether it’s to the Olympics or whether it’s to community or whether it’s to the world itself. And I’m curious about that. Was it your early years as an Olympian thinking, “Wow, I’ve done this incredible feat and yet, I’m not sure I really feel good about who I am.” What drove that area of research for you?
A: It’s Interesting that current researchers pretty much summed up the whole—all the research on self-esteem—and he called his book, The Myth of Self-Esteem, by Dr. Hewitt. And he said basically in America, there are two paths that we take to self-esteem. One is through accomplishment and one is through self-acceptance; just accepting yourself as you are regardless of accomplishment. And for me, I had developed this very negative self talk and a very poor image of myself for some reason. And I can’t really pinpoint why, but I was very mean to myself and in spite of accomplishment, if for my own person, I would constantly put myself down. And it was very lonely, it was dark. I didn’t want anybody to get to know me very well. So I covered that up and people just assumed because I was so accomplished that I was a happy, altogether kind of person. But I wasn’t, I hid it very well. And my route to moving to self-acceptance rather than facing my good sense of self on accomplishment was I turned to God. And other people do other routes, they have family support, or they just intrinsically have a sense that every human being is of value. So there are many different routes that people take to this self-acceptance. But what I found from that it got rid of all the darkness and the loneliness and the what I wanted to hide. And it was replaced with peace and a feeling of joy and really grateful to be who I was, not just what I could do. And so my whole life changed. And what I found with the path—the accomplishment path—that it was never satisfied. And that dark feeling, that lonely feeling, that feeling of not liking myself, just never went away no matter how many accomplishments. And so, I think that path is very unfulfilling, but yet it’s the one that most people assume is the only path to self-esteem. That’s a rather long answer, but does it make sense?...
Q: It makes perfect sense. And yet when you say you turned to God, the sense that you had to define yourself as God defines you, as a way of self-accepting and loving you, yourself, as a creation or as a child of God?
A: Definitely. Tapping into His reality, knowing that He does live and that He is there to answer my prayers and anyone’s prayers; the fact that He—I just pointblank asked Him, “Do you love me?” I just was desperate to know if I could be loved. And He answered that prayer and assured me that He did love me and also that I was His daughter. Assured me through answered to prayer, and that’s an answer anyone will receive because we’re all His children. But then with me, I had become so habitual in this self- talk, almost I’d say to the point of addictive, that I couldn’t just change the way I thought about myself. I knew Heavenly Father loved me, but I couldn’t seem to love myself even though I knew that. So then my prayer turned to “Will You change my heart?” And this went on and on and on. I mean I prayed night and day. And of course, His answer comes according to His timing. But it was about six months as I recall. And one day I remember expressing in my prayer that I was so grateful to be me. And I don’t remember ever having felt that way. And what happened is He completely changed my heart. I really know that it was Divine Intervention; it wasn’t just something I could do.
Q: Well, I think it’s interesting too and I appreciate you sharing that with us. That as you came to that knowledge of the love that you felt from your Heavenly Father it also took you on a path. I guess life also took you on a path where again you had international influence. We began in the Olympics back in 1960, and then in not too long ago, you were serving on the General Relief Society Board for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And that put you on the world forefront traveling around the world talking about women’s issues and their concerns from poverty to self-worth. And did you feel in some way that that answer to your prayer—those key six months in your life—helped you and prepared you to be able to speak to women around the world about their self-worth?
A: Definitely. What happened with me is this was back thirty-some years ago that I had this experience. And it so changed my life and my life perspective that it, it really is, was an epiphany; one of the most monumental things that ever happened in my life. In fact, when you think of the Olympics and the thrill, just what we’ve just been through, just the cheering and the thrill that you feel for another, and you’re not even the one doing it, that you can imagine what a thrill it is to be in the Games and have that experience. To travel throughout the world when you are just a youngster between 18 and 28. I lived all over and traveled all over the world. But I’ll tell you this: nothing compares to the thrill I have in my relation with Heavenly Father. It exceeds anything of any kind of a worldly accomplishment. And so to be able to stand on my feet and testify to that and share with anyone who is willing to listen, that the things of God are far more exciting than anything the world offers. And what happens is when you have this path to self-acceptance—or self-esteem by way of self-acceptance—not because of accomplishment, then your whole motive for life becomes different. You don’t do something so you’ll feel good about yourself. You don’t accomplish something, you don’t get good grades, you don’t try to lose weight, or you don’t… That’s not your motive to feel good about yourself. You already feel good about yourself. Then your motive is to either share with others or to improve your life because you so honor your life, you’re so grateful for your life. So if you want to lose weight, it’s to express your gratitude not to get something. And so you’re giving and you’re expressing and you’re sharing. But your own good sense of self never varies. Nothing, nothing is a threat to that, nothing challenges that. It’s always free.
Q: Well, Barbara, you’ve given us lots to think about: self-acceptance versus self, versus accomplishments to define our self-esteem, and in light of the knowledge of ourselves as children of God. Wow, so much to think about there, Barbara. Thank you so much and for sharing that with us today and…
A: Thank you; it has been a great opportunity for me.
Q: Well, and redefining how we look at everything that was happening in Beijing as well.
Well, and I’m Rebecca Cressman. We also want to thank you for joining us for this week’s edition of A Personal Touch. Be sure to check your email next Saturday to find out who else is making a difference in our world, like Barbara Lockhart, with ‘A Personal Touch.’
End of interview.
